can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
