you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
