Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
