Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
