I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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