This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
