can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
