If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
