i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I puked a lego.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
