it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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