youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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