I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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