Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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