Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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