So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
