oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
