This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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