So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
