I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
