but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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