the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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