I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
