I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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