I haven't been this sober since birth.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
