Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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