4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
