Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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