Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
