Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
