What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
