Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
