You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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