I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
