If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I had to cum in my sink.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
