3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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