No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
