All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
