Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
