I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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