i don't like sucking hair
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
