The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
