Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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