Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
