You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
