I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
