I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This is classic penis vs brain.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
