I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
