I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Let's paint friendship bongs
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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