we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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