I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
