i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
