it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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