I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
